Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Randomize
