I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
