she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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