I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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