Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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