would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
