Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Randomize
