you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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