How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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