you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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