you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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