You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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