I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
