Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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