Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
