I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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