I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Randomize
