Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Randomize
