My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
