Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Randomize
