You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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