Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
