i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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