Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
