I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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