I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
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