just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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