but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
