if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
