I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
