I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
