That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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