SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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