omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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