you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
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