Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
