if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
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