I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
