Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
