Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
