hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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