..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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