Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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