i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
What a dumb baby whore.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
