Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
