she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
