I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I didn't notice because vodka
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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