for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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