I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
