I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
