I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
