Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Green mimosas i think yes
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
