I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize