Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Randomize
