I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Randomize
