I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
