i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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