If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Randomize
