I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
