a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
