god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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