You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
