Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Just puked most of my soul out..
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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