my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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