I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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