cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
