My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
