they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
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I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
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she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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