I'm going to jail i love you
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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